Husband Alert

This is for all those ladies who are into their nice loving relationships, into it for a long time and who think they now deserve some time to indulge themselves, but have created the perfect husband, and now suffer for it.
Husbands need a lot of hard work to train into a perfect routine. It takes years of working through office routines, PYTs at the same who 'sir this -sir that' them into eating out of their pretty little manicured fingers, while you sound like a jealous shrew, should you be stupid enough to complain.
Now, there is the perfect, fail and fool proof method to keep them happy, indulged , interested and oblivious of whether you're sitting by their side or not. Its called TECHNOLOGY.
No matter how technologically challenged you or he think he is, there is a device made just for him. Try simple to begin with. Try a Tablet. He has mastered using a phone, with at lease mastery over 5% of the apps it offers. He has figured (mainly due to office pressure) how to use his mail on it. Now its time to move ahead. Buy him a tablet. Chances are his eyesight isn't what it used to be, the large screen 7' at least is perfect. No squinting into a tiny phone- and his not so dexterous anymore fingers find the dispensing of any silly toothpick like stylus a blessed relief! He's hooked. Weeks go by, he doesn't notice if you're there or not. Once in a while lean in and check on how far hes got. Here are the benefits listed for easy reading!

The TV is now yours. Do a little reading on the tech sections that come in with your daily newspaper. Supply him with a 'Have you tried this', just when its time for your serial of choice- Criminal Minds?
Anytime you want your single female friends to join you on a faltu shopping in Sarojini nagar spree- hit the 'would you come with us or...button
Hes even allowed to take it in to work legally and it looks rather professional to be busy on it rather than playing angry birds on your office pc, and getting caught on it.
So hes happy- you're happy- he hasn't asked the kids what result they expect in their board exams in a while- they're happy! Happiness all around.
Once hes mastered the tablet, its time to dip into the savings again and upgrade to the next level.

The Chattoras of Purani Dilli

Metros are truly the best way to travel.

The locals at Chandni Chowk endorse this, and if you were stupid enough to ask them if it would be a better bet to take a rickshaw or ride the metro, to get to chawri bazaar from there, they look at you like you’re nuts and say ‘Kyon Bhai, jaam me phasna hai?’ Silly you!

So we begin our primarily culinary journey. Park at Patel Chowk, metro into Chandni Chowk station, and within a few minutes you place the first bite of Natrajs’ crisp, hot tikki in your mouth. Even as your nose runs happily in tandem with the flavors bursting on your tongue, you overhear a bunch of South Indian young ladies dissuade each other from Tikkiing it.”Theyre fried in pure Ghee....no baba”

Ghee or no ghee, you defiantly follow with a cool, creamy, dahi vadaa, the mildly sweetened dahi beautifully offset by the khatti chatni.

We move on. Answering shopkeepers insistent invitations to see the latest in lehngas or saris with a ‘Haanji bahaia, abhi dekhte hain” till you reach the oldest Annapurna sweet shop near Ghantewala…though I can’t actually recall a “Ghantewala’.

Annapurna- The old Bengali delight – needs no description. Samosa to chamcham to sandesh to a couple of recommended on the spot ‘must try’.

We walk across the road into Dariba....after all, wasn’t this one of the reasons we were here? A marriage in the family...an idea for the gift. Only to be found here. Between pattas of dew risened light as air bits of the jhaag of milk – sometimes called ‘Malaiyo’ and glassfuls of Kaanji Key Vaday, a couple of paapris and bhallas we find the perfect gift. But we still need to check the competition.

Delving into silver shops, starting relationships with particular shopkeepers...sharing reminiscences with them of Baap Dada times... before you know it, you’ve whiled the day into late afternoon.

The shopkeeper insists- Kachori toh khaa kay jaana- bhulo gay nahin. We comply.

To Chawri Bazaar- this is where we began- jaam may nahin phasna- metro again.

Impressed at how beautifully the Indian public has adapted to this form of travel. Oldish couple equipped with own strolley on which were strapped on suitcases etc, off at Railway station, onward to catch train.

Chawri – Just manage the elaichi chai, new strength alright, but now not an inch of space in tummy… nonetheless, bought the mothers of Anaars, straight from Kandhar… sworn on the fruitwalas head!

It’s a once in a while thing for us…but the shopkeepers there, judging by the number of them sticking in their little wooden spoons into various little pattas...in the words of one Mausiji.."Bhaiya, sab chatorey hain!"

The 70's kid

For those who grew up during the 70s and well early eighties in middleclass India.

1.. Though you may not publicly own to this, at the age of 5-8 years, you were very proud of your first "Bellbottom" or your first "Maxi"

2. Phantom & Mandrake were your only true heroes. You can also nodyour heads to names like Chandamama, Champak, Lot-Pot, Nandan. Thebrainy ones read "Competition Success Review".

3. You took pride in turning to the back page of your latest AmarChitra Katha and ticking off yet another title. How many ever youticked, you still had many to go

.

4. Your "Camlin" geometry box & Flora pencil was your prized possession.

5. The only "Holidays" you took were to go to your grandparents' oryour cousins' houses.

6. Ice-cream meant only - either an orange stick, a vanilla softy in acone or at most - a Choco Bar if you lived in a swanky town.

7. Your first family car ( and the only one) was a Fiat. Or an ambassador.This often had to be pushed by the entire family to get going.

8. The glass windows in the back seats used to get stuck at thetwo-thirds down level and used to irk the shit out of you! The windowwent down only if your puny arm could manage the tacky rotary handleto pull it down.Locking the door was easy. You just whacked the other tacky,non-rotary handle downwards.

9. Your mom had stitched the weirdest lace curtains for all thewindows of the car. They were tied in the middle and if your dad wasthe comfort-oriented kind, you had a magnificent small fan upfront,below which screwed to the board was the cassette player.

10.. Your parents were proud owners of HMT watches. You "earned" yoursafter 8th or the 10th standard exams.

11. You have been to "Jumbo Circus" ; have held your breath while thepretty young thing in the glittery skirt did acrobatics, quite enjoyedthe elephants hitting football, the motorcyclist vrooming in the"Mautka Gola"and it was politically okay to laugh your guts out at dwarfs hittingeach others bottoms!

12. You have atleast once heard "Hawa Mahal" on the radio.13. If you had a TV, it was normal to expect the neighborhood togather around to watch the Chitrahaar or the Sunday movie. If youdidn't have a TV, you just went to a house that did. It matteredlittle if you knew the owners or not.

14. Sometimes the owners of these TVs got very creative and got a bior even a tri-coloured anti-glare screen which they attached with twoside clips onto their Weston TVs. That confused the hell out of you!

15. Black & White TVs weren't so bad after all because cricket wasplayed in whites.

16. You thought your Dad rocked because you got your own ( thefamily's; not your own own!) colour TV when the Asian Games started.Everyone else got the same idea as well and ever since, no one cameover to your house and you didn't go to anyone else's.

17. You dreaded the death of any political leader because of themourning they would announce on the TV. After all how much "ShashtriyaSangeet" can a kid take? Salma Sultana also didn't smile during themourning.

18. You knew that "Indira Gandhi" was somebody really powerful andterribly important. And that's all you needed to know.

19. The only "Gadgets" in the house were the TV, the Fridge and the Mixie..

20. All the gadgets had to be duly covered with a crochet covers andsometimes even with ingenious, custom-fit plastic covers...

21. Movies meant Amitabh Bachchan. Before the start of the movie youalways had to watch the obligatory
"newsreel".

22. You thought you were so rocking because you knew almost all thesongs of Abba and BoneyM23. You had a turntable "stereo" and a collection of LP Records..

23Your hormones went crazy when you bought "Disco Deewane" by Naziya Hassan &Zoheb Hassan.

24. You couldn't contain your happiness when you suddenly hadknowledge of Grammy awards and Tina Turner, Cyndi Lauper & OMG evenMichael Jackson became familiar names.25.. School teachers, your parents and even your neighbours could whackyou and it was all okay.26..
Photograph taking was a big thing.. You were lucky if your
familyowned a camera. A reel of 36 exposures was valuable hence it justifiedthe half hour preparation & "setting" & the "posing" for each picture.Therefore, you have at least one family picture where everyone isholding their breath and standing at attention!

ADD ONS
We also grew up on Enid Blaytons, Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, Rajan Iqbal ( Hindi), of course Phantoms, Mandrake. Tin Tin ,Astrix and then in Eighth to tenth class most of us had finished all Alister McLean, Sydney Sheldon, Louis L'Amour, Sudden Series, J archer, in NDA finished all JamesHardley Chase, Robert Ludlums, Herman Wouk, Mario Puzo, etc......... .Later wewere introduced to many new ones but coming back to 70 /80sthose books even classic like Oliver Twist, Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn were my child hood buddies..... ......


Also travelling in Bus local or cycling to school in middle of city street when i was in eighth std was more fun .

First class coupe with family was .luxury,...those first class coupe was last i travelled in 1998 from Pune to Secuderabad when shifting for degree course..

Binaca Geet Mala was most awaited and of course Wed chitrahhar and Sunday Movie on our black and white TV

This is an email doing the rounds. Dont know who originally wrote it, but great to share.

Gurgaon Then and Now

'97.

People thought we were nuts moving to Gurgaon. The back of beyond. The boonies. We thought we were smart. We now realize how stupid we were. The others who bought and settled in JhunJhunu, Jhumritalaiya or whereever. Not Gurgaon.

The MG Road. Then lined with farm houses hidden within thick green trees. Now bisected cruelly by an ugly concrete structure which does not even allow a view of the sky anymore. Lined with exposed drains, boundry walls and knocked down rebuilt structures.

Enter Gurgaon. There were lush fields of sarson all around. Driving back the 15min drive from Delhi at dusk, one spotted fox and neelgai crossing the road.

The air always seemed cleaner and more small town fresh. Amaltas trees along the highway almost hid the turning into our small colony.

It all started with the 'Ship Building'. It stood out, admired and marveled at, the next big landmark after the big Shiv statue on the highway.

Then they cut the trees. One by one, all gone!

Then they began to build. One by one, building after building, green glass, blue glass, shimmery mirror glass, faster, taller , bigger.

Deep abyss after deep abyss, thinly concealed behind cheap walls of tin.

Cranes and scaffolding with scurrying lice of hard hat me swinging metal through the sky.

Flyovers, metros, overpass, underpass.

On and on and on.

We now live in a small Gaulish village surrounded by Roman encampments.

A small colony resisting the fact that we are completely surrounded by cyber monsters of glass and chrome, each reflecting, on a clear day, the handkerchief lawns and thick growth of trees, jealously guarded by a zealous bunch of sentimentalists.

The Gay Life

Fine! Be that way! If thats the way you want to be, Be! See if I care! The mantra of the new generation, and rightly so.

Firstly, who gave whom permission to use a perfectly nice word like 'Gay' and endow it with a meaning of what one should politically correctly call 'Vaginally challenged'?

Happy and Gay, not closeted, Unhappy and Gay! Not Pansy, Queen or other pretty word either!

Do we want to know what you do with whom you do in the privacy of your bedroom? Nooooo!

I sleep with a man, as do countless others, so if you do, Fine.............

Get over yourselves, and the rest of the world will. Isn't that what you want?

If I dont walk in to a formal club in my teddy print nightsuit, because it isnt done, and if I did I would be stared and sniggered at, do you really have to use overly loud makeup and very uncomfortably tight trousers, and expect not to be stared at? And you call it discrimination.

So give me back my words, and get yourself a word of your own if you must.

We all did the 'everybody hates me, nobody loves me, nobody understands me' as part of some 10 year old thing. Now we are all Big, and frankly m'dear...nobody gives a damn!

BTW, some of my best friends are Gay!